Even people with great resources who lack self-confidence can’t back their opinion. Being good in matter of numbers is not enough to have a real societal value. To do so, you need to be confident, that you are the best guy around. That you are bulletproof.
In order to be self-confident, you need to know what it is.
Without knowing what you are really doing, you cannot reach your destination. So, it would be really nice to know what it is first.
Self-confidence according to Wikipedia is:
“The concept of self-confidence is commonly used as self-assurance in one’s personal judgment, ability, power, etc. One increases self-confidence from experiences of having mastered particular activities. It is a positive belief that in the future one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do. Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem.”
First of all, it means that self-confidence is not equal to self-esteem, and second – it is a conviction that you can achieve what you want. It is your inner feeling that you can do it without any doubt. But, you have to separate it from blind faith in your greatness. When you are doing ten push-ups everyday, then on the 100th day you can be sure that you can do it again. It is different from switching your mind from loser mode to winner mode in ten seconds. It is rather natural feeling of real possibilities which is build over time.
The more you do, the better you are. Real self-confidence.
When you separate concept of self-confidence from blind faith in your skills, then you can see, that it is build over time. That the more often you do something, the more confident of yourself you are. It shows you that you cannot get a self-confidence of a rock after drinking magical elixir, but you have to work in order to get it. That to be the best in the room, you have to have a proof of it. In this case – a proof in shape of your experience. People who are running three miles everyday, are absolutely confident that they can run two miles on Saturday. They even don’t see another option – it is so obvious to them.
No one was born with it, it is an effect of experience.
I often hear that people are born with self-confidence, but this is euphemistically saying – not truth. People who are seen as self-confident on the streets, are either driven by inner aggression, or are narrow-minded. This is not a self-confidence, but a constant state of mental war. People who are really sure of their beliefs can easily express them, even in the middle on group with different views, in a calm manner. Because if you did something thousand times, and they want to tell you that you are wrong, what will be your reaction? Laugh? Or smile?
It is an art of keeping your inner you calm, when people want to piss you off. Because only people who are psychologically weak – immediately react with aggression. I can tell you if someone is self-confident also basing on how he is talking with other people. If you are a guy with a enormous self-confidence, then you don’t have to get a compliment for a month, and you still know that you are the best. That if someone tells you, that your project is crap – you smile and ask why. Because people who know their value don’t need constant confirmation of it. If you are the best, then you simply know that. And you don’t need to ask people around about it.
So, when you feel not very sure about yourself, then ask yourself if you did it before. Even if not, remember that you have completed at least thousand things in your life before. If you did it before – you will do it again. If it’s new – then there is no shame in failing. And people who think different, probably fail everyday. Keep in mind that lion is not self-confident because of motivational books. He simply knows his abilities.