We are learning tons of things during our childhood, trying them in our youth, and mastering them in our adulthood. But among all those things we lack two important skills: skill to communicate with other people, and skill to read their emotions. What is the difference between talking and communicating? Why no one is teaching how to talk with others?
They told us how to count, but they didn’t tell us how to talk.
Tell me and yourself honestly: how many oratory classes you had in a high school? In a primary school? None? All of us posses a skill to talk, and everyone can express their feelings. But what we lack is ability to read other people emotions and their state of mind. Some of us learned this by experience, others purposely read psychology books about it. But majority of people are able only to say if someone is sad or happy. It is not enough to effectively communicate with other people. Our conversations are composed of micro expressions, body language and subconscious messages. Lack of ability to recognize what your interlocutor is feeling at this, certain second – is a disability.
You have to keep in mind that your mouth is not your whole communicating system. It is only a part of it – significant one – but still only a part. Evidence? Say “I love you” while showing middle finger. I’m not going to teach you about our body language, but you can find tons of information in Joe Navarro’s book – “The Power of Body Language”. Navarro is an ex-FBI agent, so certainly he knows what he is saying. Back to our communication system – in order to communicate with your interlocutor, you have to “feel” him. To feel what he is feeling and what are his intentions. It leads us to reading people emotions and key values.
You can say much about a man after his three sentences.
Everyone has a personal style of speaking and using language. When you meet people for the first time, you can easily read what are they key values in life. People who are constantly repeating an “I” letter are an obvious example. But people who are uncertain will use words like “maybe”, “it is possible” or “perhaps”. While people with strong, dominant character will use command language. “Sit here”, “I have a task for you”, “come with me for a coffee” (without question sign, nor word “maybe”) are their standard language. No one controls their style of speaking, and people who do – automatically seem plastic and unnatural to other people. When you decode their character, then you can proceed with further conversation. Knowing with who you are talking, is a key answer for a “how to talk” question.
There is no one universal tactic how to talk to everyone.
We all differ from each other, and you can’t talk in a one way with everyone. Using an lazy style of speaking while talking with stressed people – will make them upset. Talking in a dominant way with a dominant guy will either make you great friends, or great enemies – it depends who you are. You and I know, that people love quick, universal solutions – but here the only universal answer is: that there is no universal answers. Maybe three sets of behavior can get you through your life, but not one. Key to success in communicating with other people is in first place to read:
- their type personality,
- their attitude towards you,
- and their current emotions.
Then you can compose a explosive social mixture, which will get you through any problem. Often our success rate doesn’t depend on our intelligence or resources, but ability to read other people. Everyone feels perfect when they know, that they are talking with someone who understands them.
This is only a preludium to the whole human communicating system. Try article Genuine authority – how to sell anything to broad your knowledge. And of course comment below.